Kindness

I noticed earlier on social media that its World Kindness Day. Most of the time I don't pay much attention to these things but this one caught my eye.

It got me thinking about all the acts of kindness we have received as a family over the last few years. Way too many to count. But each one as important as the next in giving us strength. It also coincides with Christmas advertisements and commercials. Honestly, i'm terrified of Christmas. All of it frightens me. I have no clue how we are going to get through it and how we will still manage to make it magical for Nora. Every single step feels like its going to be a wrench. Buying presents, taking her to see Santa, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, putting up one stocking. Christ, I need to stop.

Anyway, all this got me thinking about last year. We were in Hospital in the run up to Christmas. In all honesty, and i'll get it all down for you to read eventually, we spent more days in Hospital in November and December than we did at home. Not to mention several trips to surgery. We were exhausted. Hannah was on a ton of medications. Kate and I were up at all hours following this intense medicine routine. The medicines were messing with her electrolyte balance and so everything was a battle. By this point our family had realized how much we were struggling and we had our Parents out and taking turns visiting. I don't think we quite realized the impact upon ourselves and how much we were struggling. In all honesty I'm not sure how you do. You just get on with it just trying to drive forward each day. Fighting the fatigue, fighting the guilt, fighting yourself, fighting with everything you have just to hold on to hope. I guess this is why mental health hits you hard because we don't take time to think out yourself until it's too late. At this point we were fully aware Hannah had possible relapse and if so our odds were grim. All of that whirlwind and yet hour by hour we just got on with it.

My point is not to receive praise or a pat on the back. I don't want that and that is not what this is about. It's kindness I want to focus on. You see I want you to understand that in your local communities there will be Mummy's and Daddy's going through something similar. Not necessarily sick families fighting like us. Families maybe struggling to figure out how to feed their kids, how they are going to afford presents, how they are going to keep the family warm this year.

We were so lucky my employer was magnificent with us. I worked, I worked as hard as I could, some times I wish I hadn't, but when I couldn't they took up the burden. I had a normal pay cheque and money, although we were spending far more than we were bringing in, wasn't a major concern at that time. But as I say I was lucky (I laugh sometimes when I use that word - in the context we were).

The magnificent All Children's Hospital in St Pete who cared for Hannah have an event each Christmas. It's called a Winter Wonderland. They essentially provide and wrap presents for families who's kids are in hospital over the holiday weekend. You have tokens, they label everything up per token value and no questions asked you pick what you want and they wrap and deliver it to you. You can read about it here. We were some what proactive about buying presents - thank you Amazon - but we still were anticipating staying in over Christmas and how the hell do you make that magical. We were already having a daily battle with Snowy the bloody Elf on the Shelf.

I walked into this room, tired, worn out, I'd been sleeping in a moderately comfy chair next to my Wife for days and days. I almost broke down. I fought tears, genuinely, I did not know what to do. A lady spotted me and talked me through the process and passed me to this guy who walked me round and explained. I was completely blown away. Not only looking at all the toys. I just watched these Parents all just having the same thoughts. Some went for clothes, some small baby gifts, some large items for teenagers. All of them with their own story, their own fight and their own tired look on their faces.

It was one of the most beautiful, heart warming, uplifting experiences I'd had. I still well up when I think about it. Random people I didn't know giving up their time for others. Donating presents so as a family we wouldn't have to worry about it. Kindness gives strength and hope. We talked and talked about it. It's true, it does.

Fortunately we managed to go home for Christmas. Christmas day was actually one of the last days we saw her walk at pace and was probably the best day we had had in weeks and weeks - unfortunately we were very quickly back in Hospital and surgery in the following days but still, Christmas Day was great. I have more to write about it all.

My point of all this is to please be aware of others. Be kind. This coming Christmas and Holiday period, if you can add a little gift for someone in your local hospital in your Christmas budget then please do. If you can budget for some extra food to donate to a homeless shelter or a Ronald Macdonald House or even a food bank, then please do. There are many, many Charities of kindness but they need a little help. You will feel better for it and from my aching heart I guarantee so will the recipient. Never underestimate how a small act of kindness can have have such a huge and powerful impact upon someone.

I wrote this on my Facebook on the day Hannah died and I stand by it still. You can read the full thing here should you wish.

"To those of you lovely people who will ask what you can do for us we actually have one request. Hannah was such a kind loving soul. If you want to do something for her we ask that you give a little time for someone else in the coming days. Go visit an elderly relative, go spend time with a lonely neighbour, go cut someone’s grass, volunteer an hour of your time to a charity, buy a homeless person a meal. Anything really. Then tell them it was from little Hannah Barry. As a family we have been touched by kindness many times and it would fill her heart to know she had made a small little difference, and I think she deserves that."

Please be kind, give a little hope. x